synthesis
by fiction fetishist
Summary: He doesn't know why he bothers, sometimes. — Chizuru/Mary


**Fandom:** Kimi to Boku

**Characters/Pairings:** Chizuru/Mary, obligatory mentions of Mary/Shun

**Words:** 983

**Summary:** He doesn't know why he bothers, sometimes.

—

notes: i don't know why i wrote this, to be honest.

—

Mary likes Shun.

Chizuru knows that.

He isn't an idiot (no matter what his grades or Kaname or even he himself sometimes says).

He knows.

He knows she doesn't like him. Not in that way.

And yet—

—

There is the saying that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

There is also the story of Jack Frost who received a friend for one day and one day only, spending the rest of his life in even greater loneliness for knowing what he was missing.

On better days, Chizuru might have been more inclined to go with the former. But today isn't one of those days, so he goes with the latter. Not it applies to him anyway.

He would need to actually get together with Mary and then break up with her for that to happen.

Chizuru snorts. Yeah, right.

For any of that to even have a chance of occurring, Mary needs to get over her (pointless) crush on Shun first.

Sure, he _could_ come out and tell her that Shun (probably) doesn't feel the same way and (probably) never will. But he isn't all too sure if that's true. Also, that would just be a total dick move and he's pretty sure Mary (and probably Shun) would just get mad at him (and maybe) never speak to him again, making it completely counterintuitive to his goal of making Mary like him back.

Chizuru sighs. Love is hard.

—

Mary likes Shun.

Mary doesn't like him.

She said (or rather didn't say) so herself.

He told her he liked her. She didn't tell him she liked him back.

She didn't (doesn't) have to.

He knows how it is.

And yet—

—

There is the idea that people are tied together by an invisible red string of fate, that there exists that one person you're meant to be with for the rest of your life.

There is also no guarantee that you will even _meet_ this person, much less that you will end up together.

On better days, Chizuru would have liked to agree with the former, but today isn't one of those days, so he goes with the latter. Not that it affects whether or not Mary is his destined person anyway.

Chizuru huffs. She sure doesn't act like she is.

"Are you moping around about Mary again?" Yuuki's words feel like a thorough stab to the chest as they (seemingly) echo in the (mostly) empty classroom.

"N-no! Wh-why do you think that?" Chizuru hates that Yuuki has chosen _now_ of all times to be perceptive.

"Because, I've been telling you that it's time for lunch for five minutes now." His friend rests his chin on the back of his chair, slumping against the wood. "I'm hungry."

Chizuru glances at the clock. "Ah, right, sorry about that," he laughs meekly, then asks, "So, the roof?" hoping Yuuki wouldn't push the topic any further. Scattered papers crinkle under his hand as he presses on the table, pushing himself up and out of his seat.

"Nah, Yuuta says we're eating at the cafeteria today."

Chizuru hums. As he stands, he spots a scrawl of an umbrella on the corners of his notes. "Hm, is that so?" Yuuki nods, but otherwise doesn't made a move to actually get up, so Chizuru takes the time to tuck the pages safely into his bag.

"Let's go?"

He'll figure out what to do with it later.

—

Mary likes Shun.

Shun likes...

...not Mary (or so Chizuru hopes).

Surely she can see that? That it would be better to move on, move on to someone who actually does like her.

Then again, the same could be said for himself.

And yet—

—

There is the belief that opposites attract, that differences make people more compatible, because they balance each other out.

There is also the notion that two people need to have similar interests, because otherwise, what would you do together?

On better days, Chizuru might have believed in the former, but today isn't one of those days, so he goes with the latter. Not that it changes Mary's feelings for him anyway.

After all, she has a lot more in common with Shun than she has with him.

Mary and Shun, Chizuru muses, they both have a kind of gentle aura about them. Something soft. Like in Mary's hair or Shun's words. They're the kind of people you feel you have to protect, or something like that.

Chizuru is anything but. He's rash and rough around the edges, and a bunch of other adjectives Kaname would probably enjoy rattling off.

When he gets right down to it, what good would him being with Mary do anyway? All things considered, she and Shun make sense. They're both nice and sweet, and the smile Shun brings to her face suits her more than that annoyed look he brings (no matter how cute he finds both).

Chizuru mutters a word of thanks before standing up, leaving his food untouched. He hears Shun's worried calls in the background as he heads toward the classroom, but he doesn't dare turn around.

The last thing he needs is for Shun to win him over to _his_ side too.

—

Mary likes Shun.

"Hey."

Shun.

"Oh, hey there, Mary."

Not him.

"You're not eating with them?"

And yet—

"Nah, wasn't hungry."

And yet—

"Oh."

And yet—

"Want me to walk you to them?"

—Chizuru is seventeen and entirely too young to worry about love and fate and what other people say and think.

"No, I—I think I'll just stay here."

He knows what he wants and that's enough.

"If that's the case, then I'll sit with you."

He may not know exactly how to get it, but he's never been one for making plans, anyway.

"I—I guess that's okay."

He's happy with just taking things as they come.

"Thanks, Mary."


End file.
